There’s no one age when people “should” start dating  — plenty of people don’t start until their late teens or after, and some people start earlier. But dating when you’re 12 means something different than dating when you’re in high school or older. At 12, going out in groups is a lot more common — and can probably be a lot easier and more fun, too  — than going out with just one other person on a DATE-date. If you want to go out with someone, try hanging out with a bunch of your mutual friends. It’ll probably feel less nerve-wracking for both of you.

Plus, chances are your parents will be more okay with the idea of you going out with a group than on a one-on-one date.

And kudos to you for wanting to initiate the dating conversation with your parents. Let your parents know you’re thinking about dating — and maybe even that there’s someone you have a crush on and want to ask out. If they freak out, let them know you’re open to talking about rules and boundaries for this stuff — for instance, that you’ll always be hanging out with groups of other people, and you’ll always tell them honestly about where you’re going and who will be there. Your parents might even have some helpful advice about dating.

(Just so you know: this actually wasn’t a question submitted to Ask the Experts; it was a question that showed up on our new Planned Parenthood Info for Teens Facebook page. So technically, this is a “No One Asked the Experts” post… but we think it’s something a lot of people can relate to, so we wanted to respond.)

Navigating the whole “mutual likeage” thing — when you both like each other, and you both know you both like each other, and you both know you both know you like each other, and on and on, you get the idea — is really hard! It can feel a little like you’re stuck in a romance stalemate. But while it might seem like you’re out of moves, we promise you’re not.

Brainstorm a list of all the different actions you could take. For example, you could tell him, point-blank, “hey, I like you.” You could write him a note, or a text, or an IM. You could invite him to hang out with a group of your mutual friends (which can be a lot less stressful and more fun than going out on a one-on-one DATE date). You could do nothing and hope he makes the first move. For every action you come up with, think about how it might play out, and how okay you’d be with the potential consequences. If you told him you liked him or asked him out, what could his possible reactions be? How would each one make you feel? How would not doing anything make you feel?

Getting a sense of all your options and their possible outcomes can make the situation feel more under control, and it can also help you figure out what you want. Making the first move can be scary, but being honest about your feelings can often feel really great, too. Whatever you decide to do, keep in mind that:

1. Liking another person is nothing to be embarrassed about or ashamed of, and
2. Everybody becomes comfortable with love and relationship stuff at his or her own pace. You might feel ready to go out with this guy, but he might not feel the same way yet. It doesn’t mean anything’s wrong with either one of you.

Good luck!

It’s totally normal for you to want to know how he’s doing, especially since you guys didn’t end things on the best of terms and haven’t been in touch for a while. Even if things ended really badly last summer, it sounds like you’ve both had some time to cool off and let things blow over.

Try playing out all the possible outcomes in your head, and think about how each one would make you feel. If you texted him to say you’re in his state and want to know how he’s doing, how would you feel or act if he responded with something really brief, like last time? What if he responded asking to hang out? What if he didn’t respond at all? How would you feel if you didn’t text him? Would you definitely regret it, or would it feel like a safer option?

Thinking about this stuff can give you a better sense of what you want — maybe you just want to know how he’s doing, maybe you want to revisit what you guys had together, maybe there are some loose ends you want to tie up. Knowing what you want will make things easier for you and clearer for him. Good luck!

Having sex can bring people closer or it can push people apart — especially if one of them isn’t into it.

It sounds like you know how you feel about sex  — you’re not ready to do it yet. That’s what matters. You’re the only person who should decide when you have sex and who you have sex with.

Sex is an important way for lots of couples to feel close to one another. But one of the biggest ground rules of sex is that both partners should want to do it. Having sex with a partner when both of you are ready can be awesome. But deciding to have sex is a big deal, and rushing into it could make you feel like you’re sacrificing your wants and values for your boyfriend  — and that’s not going to make your relationship any stronger or closer. In fact, it can make it a whole lot worse.

Talking about this stuff with your boyfriend might be scary at first, but being clear about what you want and what you feel ready for is an important part of any good relationship. If your boyfriend doesn’t respect what you think and want, or if he keeps pressuring you to have sex, then it’s probably time to think about whether this relationship is right for you. But hopefully he’s a nice guy and a good boyfriend, and he’ll respect your feelings and thoughts.

It can help to:

• Write a list in your journal or diary of all your reasons for not being ready for sex yet, so you have it all clear in your own mind.
• Practice what you want to say to your boyfriend in front of a mirror, or with a friend, or write that out in your journal, too.
• Make a plan to talk to him when you’re not in the “heat of the moment”  — a time when you have some privacy but aren’t hooking up.
• Think about what you’ll say to start the conversation. It might just be “I have something I wanted to say” or “I’ve been thinking about whether we should have sex, and I’ve made a decision.” You might have to just blurt it out when you have a chance, and that’s fine. Life is like that sometimes.

(Just so you know: this actually wasn’t a question submitted to Ask the Experts; it was a comment that showed up on our new Planned Parenthood Info for Teens Facebook page. So technically, this is a “No One Asked the Experts” post… but we think it’s something a lot of people can relate to, so we wanted to respond.)

Feeling undesirable — like no one we’re interested in will ever notice us, ask us out, or like us back  — is a really lonely but really universal experience. Sometimes it can seem like everybody else in the world is dating and falling in love except for us, and that can make us feel like we’re just not good enough to join the party. But here are two things to keep in mind:

1. Love (or romance, or dating, or mutual likeage, or whatever you want to call it) will show up eventually, if you want it to. And until then, there’s nothing wrong with you. It’s an annoying fact of the universe that you can’t fast forward to the part where you find that funny, sweet, cute boyfriend. But what you can do in the meantime is explore all the other things in the world that interest you, and keep becoming the girl you want to be. This might sound corny, but we swear it can help: make a list of all the reasons you’re awesome. Add to it whenever something new occurs to you. And try reading it over when you’re feeling unnoticeable.
   
2. Remember that you’re not alone. Plenty of other people feel the same way and worry about this stuff, too. Relationships can be complicated for everybody  — guys and girls. The same guys who you think barely notice you could be stressing out about the very same thing! Everybody might be so worried about feeling unnoticed, they don’t notice all the unnoticing going on.You could even try striking up conversation with a guy you wish would notice you. (It’s kind of hard to not notice someone who’s talking to you.)

Good luck! 

Most health care providers keep their clients’ information confidential. Specific laws about what doctors have to tell your parents can vary from state to state. And for one reason or another, doctors can always decide to inform parents if they believe it is in the best interest of their patient. That’s why it’s always best to ask about a health care provider’s policy about confidentiality.

Planned Parenthood’s policy is to protect patient confidentiality as much as the law allows. You can contact your local Planned Parenthood health center to ask about their specific policy. (You don’t have to give your name when you call.) Click here to find your local Planned Parenthood health center.

Becoming a parent, while an amazing and joyful experience for a lot of people, is a huge life-changing responsibility. Having a baby at 15 could make things a lot harder  — not easier  — for you and your boyfriend, and wanting to feel closer as a couple is not a good reason to have a baby. Becoming parents will put a lot of stress on you, your boyfriend, and your relationship. It means that spending time with your child will take priority over going out with friends and other fun stuff you and your boyfriend might like doing now. It might mean putting your school and career plans on hold. Ask yourself:

• Am I ready to help a child feel wanted and loved?
• Am I ready for a tighter budget, less time for myself, and more stress?
• Am I ready to accept responsibility, 24/7, for all my child’s needs?
• Can I afford to have a child — from diapers to college tuition?
• What would it mean for my future and my family’s future if I had a child now?
• Would I prefer to have a child at a different time?
• Can I handle the experience of pregnancy and raising a child?

Kids need a lot of stuff, like clothes, diapers, food, and health care. But a lot of what they need isn’t material — your time, your energy, your love, and your attention. Even the most mature 15 year old in the strongest relationship will struggle to provide all of that. It’s okay if you think you and your boyfriend would make a great parenting team one day. Waiting until you’re old enough to provide for a child is one of the best parenting decisions the two of you can make together.

The condom talk is a conversation that should happen before you guys have sex. But the idea of talking about condoms with your boyfriend for the first time might make you really nervous. You can practice what you’re going to say beforehand. Then, choose the right time to talk. Waiting until the moment you’re hooking up can make this conversation trickier.

For starters, you can ask him if he agrees with you that using condoms is important. He’ll probably say, “Of course!” But if he doesn’t, here are some common exchanges people have when they talk about condoms. Some of them might work for you.

If Your Boyfriend Says: I don’t like using condoms.
You Can Say: Why not?

If Your Boyfriend Says: It doesn’t feel as good with a condom.
You Can Say: I’ll feel more relaxed. If I’m more relaxed, it will be better for both of us.

If Your Boyfriend Says: Condoms are gross.
You Can Say: Being pregnant when I don’t want to be is worse. So is getting an STD.

If Your Boyfriend Says: Don’t you trust me?
You Can Say: Trust isn’t the point. People can carry sexually transmitted infections without knowing it.

If Your Boyfriend Says: I’ll pull out in time.
You Can Say: I want to feel relaxed and enjoy this, and pulling out is just too risky. There’s a chance I could get pregnant from your pre-cum, or we might get too excited to stop. And pulling out doesn’t help much with sexually transmitted infections.

If Your Boyfriend Says: Condoms aren’t romantic.
You Can Say: Being together like this and protecting each other’s health sounds really romantic to me.

If Your Boyfriend Says: It just isn’t as sensitive.
You Can Say: With a condom you might last even longer, and that’ll make up for it. Or let’s try a female condom.

If Your Boyfriend Says: Putting it on interrupts everything.
You Can Say: Not if I help put it on.

If Your Boyfriend Says: I’ll try, but it might not work.
You Can Say: Practice makes perfect.

If Your Boyfriend Says: But I love you.
You Can Say: Then you’ll help me protect myself.

If Your Boyfriend Says: I guess you don’t really love me.
You Can Say: I’m not going to “prove my love” by risking my health. Do you really love me? Do you want me to feel safe?

If Your Boyfriend Says: I’m not using a condom, no matter what.
You Can Say: I’m not having sex without a condom, no matter what. Let’s not have sex.

If You Are a Virgin and Have Decided to Have Sex and Want to Use a Condom and Your Boyfriend Says: Just this once without it. Just the first time.
You Can Say: It only takes once to get pregnant. It only takes once to get a sexually transmitted infection. It only takes once to get HIV.

Don’t be afraid of being rejected. If your boyfriend doesn’t respect what you want for your body and health, then he’s not worth having sex with. Sad but true.

Most abortions occur within the first trimester. Fewer occur in the second trimester.

Many teens want to consult their parents before an abortion, and most teens involve a parent in their decision to have an abortion. But telling your parents isn’t required in all states. Find out what the laws are in your state, and visit our webpage on thinking about abortion.

Abortion is safe, and serious complications are rare — but the risk to your health increases the longer a pregnancy continues.  Nationwide, the cost for a first trimester abortion at health centers ranges from about $350 to $950. Some health insurance covers abortion, which can drastically reduce its cost. Abortion after the first trimester is possible, but it will generally be more expensive. Contact your local Planned Parenthood health center to find out whether they offer the abortion services you are considering, what kind of cost you can expect, and whether or not parental notification or consent laws apply.

If you are pregnant, or think you are pregnant, be sure to see a health care provider as soon as possible.

Lots of people worry about meeting their partners expectations, especially when it comes to sex. People can feel that way no matter what kind of experience they have.

But in a healthy relationship, you shouldn’t feel pressure to do anything that makes you uncomfortable, or that you don’t feel ready to do. It’s really important that the two of you are able to talk about these feelings, and about the sort of relationship you want to have together. You might feel like you have to have sex with your girlfriend because she’s had sex before, or because she expects it. It might feel like sex is something that, as a guy, you have to do. But remember that you and you alone get to decide when you’re ready for sex.

And also remember: the only person who can tell you what your girlfriend is thinking is your girlfriend.

Choosing to be in a sexual relationship is a big decision, regardless of your girlfriend’s sexual history. It can help to take an inventory of your personal values and goals, your feelings about your relationship, and the kinds of emotional and physical risks you want to take. Visit our web page about deciding when you’re ready for sex.